There are sesame seeds in my vagina. This cannot be explained with logic.
Also, we should really buy some bandaids. Right now I'm using toilet paper and scotch tape, but I don't really think that's sanitary.
Oh and in case you were wondering it is not a good idea to eat weed brownies and then go out to the bar. When I got off the bar stool my high had just hit me and I felt like Bambi taking his first steps
It was over as soon as he asked if he could name my vagina pancake.
On the upside I'm hairless from the waist down. On the downside, I just chemically burned my labia
There are five fire trucks here and needless to say my booty call left so come back home whenever you like
My hungover walk of shame was interrupted by a stranger on a balcony throwing me a beer to shotgun... at 10 a.m....
I do NOT want my proposal story to start "...he was peeing on me and then..."
i just love the holidays, i hotboxed a gingerbread house last night
When the bouncer wouldn't let you back in you screamed "Authority is not given you to deny the return of the king!" and ran past him.
Looks like a sea otter shaved my vagina. Keep an eye out for me this weekend, no one can see this.
I'm bleeding and intoxicated as I'm walking to my final right now. Wish me luck
Would it be inappropriate to meet you at the airport after your family vacation so I can tell you all about the amazing sex I have been having?
My mom found me this morning passed out, face down on my dinning room floor
That must have been one awkward situation haha
Well I woke up in my bed.... I don't remember her finding me
I'm having to shit out rocks
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