You think if I promise to behave for the rest of my life, god will let me fuck her on the regular?
We just spray painted his balls while he is passed out....I cant wait to see him try to figure this out in the morning.
She challenged me to a game of rock-paper-scissors for her virginity. I love this girl.
four loko is apparently banned in the us. so i think its time for us to stock up. i already emailed them about buying them in bulk
You're asking the wrong person. I was drunk on nyquil and jager.
shes 19, drunk and said she has no gag reflex. im trying to decide if i have scruples
you dont
i dont
Oh my god I'm so bored. The virgin is so disinteresting when I'm not trying to cum on her face.
you came out with your cock in between the legs of a balloon animal. Maybe she'll think you have a sense of humor.
What kind of balloon animal was it?
Dear slutty diary: I lied about feeling guilty of being a homewrecker in order to have more sex. it worked.
All I do lately is eat steak, drink warm beer, watch porn, and avoid booty calls when I'm too lazy to take a shower. I think the apocalypse turned me into a dude.
He has an accent when he types. I can *hear* the schnitzel. Especially when he's drunk.
You should just construct a mini-city, actually. Then destroy, photograph and post. Who could turn down a dick that conquered a whole city? Craigslist personals wont know what hit it.
HOLY FUCK I almost floated out of the city. Thank god my dog kept me down.
An old biker dude just flirted with me at Food City. I enjoyed it. God damn I need to get laid.
I just got the high sucked out of me. Fuck.
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