Wow so 15 missed calls, a vm AND a text saying come downstairs? ...And where is downstairs? Explain.
sometimes when i'm walking through campus i wonder how many of these people have seen me puke
Nick just found a baggie of 3 year old shrooms in his desk drawer and downed it all with cheap white wine. I am not on vomit duty tonight.
Correct me if I'm wrong here... but did we serenade each others breasts to "winds of change" last night?
this kid woke up on our hotel floor and doesnt know how he got here
on my way back.. me and that kid will be great friends
remember that guy i blew in a bathroom in barcelona, i just blew him again in rome. lightning does strike twice.
I blacked out after you got about 8 goldfish out of the tank and put them in your pockets. We're not allowed back. It was a sucky Walmart anyway...
We attempted to microwave fifteen corndogs in the microwave and may have ruined it. Also there were fake mustaches on all of his appliances...he said he doesn't like drunk me.
I beat my mom's friend's boyfriend in a vodka chugging competition. Our generation FTW.
I just moved 6 traffic cones blocking a row of traffic. I got applause.
The shrooms have turned on carrie. Change of plans. We're getting stoned and finding bacon.
Got myself invited to boss's family dinner party, drank too much, and fucked boss's brother in his parent's house. Just another Wednesday.
He asked me to fly out to Seattle to participate in a week of marathon sex so I'm at the airport now. I'll call you when I get back.
You were pretty conviced that my dog was a spanish child and kept trying to read him the news from your iphone app
Hey. You got pizza and sex. How much more can you ask for?
Randomize
