you announced to the whole room that instead of shaving you were planning to start straightening and then braiding your pubes. awkward silence followed by everyone leaving.
i'm waiting for the less fat version of him to text me
We've reached that awkward stage of the relationship where he's in love with me when he's drunk, but sober him is still afraid of commitment.
He doesn't know I'm infertile yet, that's when the sex gets good
I'm really proud of her, she waited until she was on tiled floor to start puking on the ground
"Clean/organize my room day" turned into "Blast my old Jock Jams cds while getting high as fuck with a strobe light day"
Seriously-without actually meaning the statement for it's words- that made me want to put a baby in you.
I'm not sure... How do you tell someone who was so smashed they couldn't remember shoving their dick into the fireplace that their mother actually witnessed the whole thing?
I decided to start over my porn collection by deleting the old stuff. That was a sad piece of a pie chart...
the amount of 23-year-old guys who have seen me naked is starting to get a little worrying
He's 30 years old and woke me up for a hand job. Last time I go home with someone I met through Tinder.
It's only funny because he thinks you had sex with him to rob him.
Should I apologize to him for saying I wanted to punch him in the face as I was digging through the trash?
I was just dry heaving outside of the Chem building when a guided tour walked by. Welcome to the Maritimes kids...
You ate my ass why wouldn't I remember you
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