Hahahhahaha! Oooh get it! Ugh I am so dead but if I go to the lib whuich I will hopefully b havung sex instead, ill hit u up
Dude, you really need to stop hitting on girls by telling them you sang a cappella in college.
Last night you told her she was rocking the beer gut. Still wondering why you have that black eye?
consequently i now know what mace tastes like
You insisted on drinking champagne out of the dog bowl
It was perfect I came I passed out in his comfortable bed then a glass of jack Daniels fell from the bed post and spilled all over my face
I just want dates and sex but the option to have that with whoever whenever I want
His dick looks just like him, taller than average, thick, and somehow always angry.
I decided I was tough enough to wax my bikini area myself. Long story short, I'll be drunk when you get home
Omg drank too much. Threw up in my Santa hat on the train and then of course it leaked all over me.
You can't talk like Dr. Evil to me five minutes after the greatest orgasm of my life.
I ate too many pot brownies and passed out topless with my boobs painted like the American flag
ICE CREAM AND CAKE BITCHESSSSSS
After the "sex" was over I dressed as quickly as possible. And then he came over to me stark naked and embraced me. For over a minute. And all I could think was please get your penis off my dress.
I climbed on the arm of the futon, flapping my hand fan frantically and hissing imprecations at the smoke detector
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