well it doesn't count as a walk of shame if he drops you off at your class in his golf cart
Acid flashbacks - fact or fiction? Have been seeing a surprising amount of sparkly shit this afternoon...
He just said "fuck you" to the bowl he's eating things out of
It's gonna be pretty hard to find a homeless person that takes crackers as currency.
Took an impromptu nap on the floor of a starbucks bathroom using my backpack as a pillow. Please tell me you have been this hungover
Haha crisis adverted. Just told my dad I need to bone this guy. Nbd. He totes understands
Pretty sure they aren't letting me back to karaoke night after I screamed "fuck every one of you tasteless hillbillies!!" because I felt they didn't clap loud enough for Jen.
He came in 20 minutes late for his final wearing plastic bags on his feet, and a tablecloth cape. Explain.
Someone asked me why we were having sex on the porch last night. All I remember is him saying he wanted the recruits to see. This has got to stop.
For once I want to have sex without having to google the after effects of it.
So apparently blacked out me judges a man based on what type of dinosaur he would be...
OH MY GOD IT'S LIKE SHOOTING FISH IN A BARREL, EXCEPT INSTEAD OF FISH THEY ARE FIGHTER PILOTS
Fell asleep in the library, woke up because I almost let out a sleep fart. That was close.
Please tell me you're not playing strip poker with your cousins again
I went to Christian school in the 90s. I can finger blast anything, but dignity.
Randomize
