it was like fucking the hulk in a smartcar
I'm pretty sure he came before I knew he was inside me.. Didn't think that was his plan when he said he was gonna do things I've never experienced before
She was wearing a "Got Beer" hat and your bed had necco wafers all over it the next morning. Another story for the grandkids.
I feel like I was just dunked in a tub of beer and then thrown in a giant dryer with rocks in it.
When I woke up I had three missed calls from the name 'dream krystals'.... If I remember correctly she was the lady at the drive thru at Krystals and her name was Dream.. She wanted to come to the strip club with us... Do you remember?
You know, there is no convenient place for your beer when you are on shrooms taking a shower.
He's the conductor of the struggle bus
I RODE THAT FINE PIECE OF STRUGGLE BUS
Mistakes were made. Hot mistakes that I want to make again. But tapping your employee is def a mistake. Esp in front of two other employees.
After my lunch today, I've got $10 till Sunday night. I am losing at life.
Note to self: trying to grow pubes back = worst decision of 2014 thus far
Nothing wrong with a few meaningless hookups. Keeps the mind occupied and the body satisfied
I'm still, like... really stoked about not having any STDs
Everything isn’t always sunshine & rainbows. Sometimes there’s tequila.
Come over. Bring drugs. My sister is making cookies. She took Valium. They should be badass cookies.
The waxing lady fingered me during my brazilian. 40 dollars well spent
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