Multitasking record: pooping whilst putting on shoes and cleaning ear with q-tip. All while texting.
Update: fell off toilet, one shoe on, q-tip still in ear. Not a pro.
Last night I got a napkin with 4 names & numbers: Katie, Ellen, Kylie...and Brandon.
he only lasted 2 minutes. he said it was because i was so pretty. i'm not sure what to feel right now.
they said he just opened the front of his shirt and threw up alll over himself
finally stumbled home. 4am. made it to the bathroom and threw up. the cat came in,s aw me, looked at the vom in disgust, and then threw up too. its nice to have such sympathetic pets.
how do i say, "my ex is going to be at this party so don't look like shit" without sounding like a bitch?
I'm sorry. Both for you two breaking up and because I just ate some of your cheez it's.
Finally put clothes on I've been laying naked in the bed for approximately 4 hours since I showered and by showered I mean when I laid down in the bathtub with the shower on
I just wrote "where Jason is" on the screen. He guessed "hospital" correctly.
Such a good question, let's ask the alcohol gods for the answer.
Lmfao. We asked what you wanted to eat and you said vagina. I don't care what kind. Fresh, barbecue, roasted on a camp fire. I just want it on my taste buds.
We had sex and then I offered him a cookie...while he was still inside of me. Basically he's in love
I can't believe you cupped pat's balls to prove your fake relationship
just blew him in the library. I am a classy dame
Remember the random guy who licked my face when we were at the bar the other night?
Yeah. His name is Andrew. We just met
Randomize
