I wanna go to beed woth a nboy
I havnt had this much beer since i losodt my virginity. thank. god.
You have to stop getting hammered and preaching about that mission trip to Haiti.
You do realize that we got a stripper to do the YMCA for us on the main stage... Right?
There were penises being pulled out everywhere.
Found your glasses drenched in ketchup on my driveway this morning
I mean there are things broken right and left, I woke up surrounded by dog statues, and we had a vodka bubble bath.
I'm drunk, laying in bed, eating macaroni salad. I dropped a piece and tried to pick it up with a fork. My cleavage is bleeding and I haven't been laid yet. Heeeyyyy!!!
HE HAS CHALLENGED MY BADNESS. I MUST CONQUER ALL THAT QUESTIONS MY POWER. BRING FORTH THE TIT PICS.
if you come you're not allowed to wear pants. if you arrive wearing pants you won't be wearing them long.
Fyi, shaking your genitals at me doesn't count as "trying to have sex".
Throwing up into Nora's potty chair while simultaneously having beer shits was truly the highlight of my Christmas season.
Oh? I just remember dropping coins and trying to give the manager change to let me back into the bar.
I came in like 30 seconds, and my dog got to watch me take the walk of shame to the bathroom to clean up. All in all, not my best performance.
OH MY GOD YOU GUYS I JUST FOUND OUT I HAD PHONE SEX THE OTHER NIGHT
Randomize