I wish I could tape me & him having sex. Not for pornographic reasons, just for comic relief.
CONQUERED: Sean from next door. Just wanted to let you know ;)
How many people did you send this to?
I have new birth control, three bottles of jack, and some coupons for micky d's. You wanna have that sleepover?
So I've gone into the break room to heat up a styrofoam cup 8 times over the course of 4 hours.. that desperate to see him. Now I have a broken heart AND cancer.
Gin and redbull in a wine glass. They think I'm keeping my wits with a really yellow Chardonnay. Gonna get ugly after a couple.
How exactly do I approach the whole "Well that was fun. Am I purchasing the Plan B or you?" topic?
Tom is laying in a bathtub filled with ice pretending to be a polar bear.
buying a tattoo gun on ebay just sounded like a good idea at the time idk man
Putting Chia seeds in beer makes it ok for my diet, right?
A dude was barking out of one of the buildings so I barked back and he goes, "Oh shit! She barked back! Come to room 803 I'll fuck you!"
He said he'd prefer a photo rather than discuss politics, I sent him a snapchat "conservative shorts 4 conservative man". He said "be liberal"
Last night at a party someone grabbed my ass so I just fucking punched them in the face then went home and ate a frozen pizza
I know I'm not a hook-up kind of chick but he is a firefighter & an EMS worker. I felt like maybe I'd be a good person if I let a good person inside of me
The playlist was "songs to sing in the shower". I literally got fucked to Footloose.
When the paramedic asked Logan how he fell he explained that he was trying to lick his eyeball, missed and tripped over his own tongue.
Randomize
