operation harelip BJ is a go
...i had to draw her a diagram of her own vagina. including a little arrow to the clitoris. shouldn't it be the other way around?!?
Please come pick me up? I sleep walked to planned parenthood again.
hooking up with my manager sounds like an even better idea while i'm sober.
maybe if i keep dancing i won't throw up
You act like I'm the first person to try and hook up with a blind chick.
Turns out the average person our age has never run from the cops. Life: we're doing it right.
so I'm staring at this cat and wondering..is the tail of the cat the derivative of it's head?
stop getting stoned after studying for a calc final.
your vagina must have magic restorative powers I feel rested and powerful this morning.
Vegas is great, yelled at a guy 4 lanes over if he wanted a bj. ended up having sex in a vacant lot. I think he was homeless.
I don't know who's more excited for you to come home. Me or my vagina
For the first time in my life, I still have money by the next payday. Who is this responsible person and what have they done with the real me?
did i just pee glitter
You sending me our unborn, unfertilized babies' names is not what I envisioned when you said you'd "drunk text me later".
I haven't lost it. I know I'm not a prophet. It was a joke.
After the edible you claimed you were talking to my cat. We're in our 30s now, what was once cute is now a liability.
Randomize
