I've rolled joints bigger than that penis.
I was rubbing the clit just like wikipedia told me to.
my mom just served us mashed potatoes with an ice cream scoop. When I asked her why, she said she thought it would make dinner 'more fancy'...
If they ask for a stool sample we r no longer friends.
My mom just told me to make sure my face isn't on the front cover of the newspaper on 4/21. Challenge accepted
I'm practically paying him in tacos to have sex with me.
honestly, i'm just crying in the kitchen naked and eating salsa
I received a text promising me sex if I drove to Memphis this weekend. Too bad for my penis that we're watching zombie movies and playing cards.
That's what tomorrow is for. It's like bloodletting. Except with shame and liquor.
Hey dude this is some next level no homo shit but im gonna get 2 tickets to the opera and go Hail Mary on this one girl. U take the extra ticket if i fail.
I'll have you know my trust issues and my daddy issues are two COMPLETELY different topics of conversation.
When he couldn't get it up, he handed me a beer, put his clothes back on, and said "try again tomorrow."
He told me that his greatest skill was making White Russians.
Yes we can sext. I'm taking my socks off.
Bachelorette party buss just rolled into down town. DTF, "horny hotties inside" and "show us your dicks" written on the windows....this could get interesting.
Randomize
