We had one of those mutual "I know your on a dating website, I won't tell if you won't" glances.
I just told my boyfriend I think I might be pregnant using Emoji icons....
which icon did you use to tell him he's not the father?
I didn't think I could chip a tooth while giving a blowjob until I met him.
went for icecream. accidentally deepthroated it. my mom gave me a dirty look, but the kid behind the counter looked impressed
Aw lol. Sounds like my masturbation injury last year
Using the salt from a pretzel bag for tequila shots. Come over.
hey, you wanna get together over coffee or something?
is this code for 'i just got broke up with and i need a sympathy dicking'?
how did you know?
They're making him take his shirt off cause they think he's the bouncer. We're in his backyard.
We're having chugging races with long island ice tea, I won. To often
The less fucks you give, the more fucks you get. Kinda like "a penny saved is a penny earned" but with vagina.
Girl. There is the cutest old gay here. He's approximately 100 years old and kind as shit.
I can't believe he just friend zoned me like that.
Dude, you're not even gay.
Drinking hard cider in a room full of freshman girls. Never felt so secure of my manhood
I probably wouldn't
I just put Gatorade in my wine, cause electrolytes, you know.
God doesn't care if you're a paramedic, you can't do that to someones cat and still get into heaven
Randomize