honey bunches of taint.
Promise me that if I become one of those sad people that facebook pesters you to 'reconnect with' you'll tell me so I can delete mine and save myself the humiliation?
The little things make me happy. Little dicks do not.
Have you ever straight up just taken a bite out of a block of cheese? Because it's amazing.
I decided that I do the same thing when i'm drunk with every guy who has a girlfriend...lecture them on how bad cheating is, then hook up with them. I'm like good cop, bad cop.
I miss waking up knowing you're passed out under my bed.
It's ok for me to have his baby but I can't be his friend on fb. Wth is wrong with this
My Valentine's Day plans just drastically changed... My F buddy just ran into my gf...in my driveway.
I was so exhausted I thought about using my deep throat spray to stop my coughing.
Question: trumpet bong. Can it work.
He was making a joke about signing my name on this piece of paper. He has a whole bucket filled with names on pieces of paper. I think thats how he keeps count.
Three of my exes and one of my exes' brothers have hit me up and it's only been a week. I hate semester break.
Is it in poor taste to drop acid before midnight mass?
I love this.
Congrats, you are the first person our bartender ever met that actually needed wheeled out of a bar in a wheelchair. He said you were his hero.
I'm eating cold pizza from work and drinking beer from a wine glass trying to decide if I want to shower or just rub one out and go to sleep. How have I ever gotten laid?
Because you're really hot before taking the time to actually get to know you.
Randomize
