He asked to "fluff my boner.."
I wish I had more reasons to start sentences with the phrase, "Here's the thing you've got to remember about cougars ...
Eating in charleston sc at a seafood place called "hymans". Like normal I had no problem finding it.
He was singing Will Smith Just the Two of Us to his burrito. That high.
I can do anything tonight that doesnt involve an erection.
You didn't have enough money so you tried to convince the cashier that "four dollar foot long" rolled off the tongue better. Stop drinking. Immediately.
Hey fuck you and your taint. I'm just riding a canoe called life, back the fuck off. P.s. I need a ride
So what's the verdict on pumpkin smoothies with vodka? I puked.
I have dibs on his crisis of faith.
I just had the worst experience of my life, my grandma found my condoms.
OMG MY DAD TOLD ME HE MIGHT DO TINDER
Maid of honor screwed up the joke so I just got to explain what a strap on is and why a married lady might want one to Grandma and my brother's wedding shower.
I think I fucked the doubts about us out of him
Right now I'm laying face down on my carpet in my living room in the darkness sending work emails from my phone.
It's a glamorous life.
You've had it in your mouth, how have you not seen it?
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