belinda wants 2 know wr u got ur butt pads
i dont wear butt pads that thang is au naturel
Yeah...right...LMAO
woke up to 35 texts all saying im cheating on her
me and last nights hook up spent two hr. figuring out a reply we went with i love you..
Maybe you should go over there and lead him on and reach down his pants like he's about to get some and yank his balls.
That's the best idea I've heard all day.
when "blow-job jen" drunk dials you at 3 in the morning, you answer
the most drunk i have ever been? possibly. the most drunk i have ever been on a monday? definently.
Hypothetical question: If a guy wanted to watch you fuck me, would you be willing to take a long lunch break on Wednesday?
You opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a wall last night.
You better of fucked him last night or do it now because he is buying all the roommates McDonald's.
They invented the twister shot game. You put a shot on each circle, take it when you land on it, and if you fall, they funnel the mat and make you drink it. New best friends.
He filled four shots of Everclear and walked around saying "FREE VODKA SHOTS". he is to blame.
If you get home and there is an older woman there, its my mom. She wants to come and see the place after work. Just an FYI. Not the older sluts I bang.
if the furniture in my bedroom wasn't shape shifting... this would be a different story.
He snapchatted me the wine on the ceiling this morning
Making friends with the guy who had alcohol-infused whipped cream was the best decision I made all night.
Accidentally mixed my gin with cold brew coffee instead of cranberry juice. It’s bad. But I’ll finish it. Never leave a fallen soldier.
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