new low: just stole a ciggarette from a bum sleeping on the side of the street.
ohh what kind?
i dont care that its taken 20 hrs to pee without hurting, BEST HATE SEX EVER.
you told him you liked to chip your nail polish to look like different countries. im gonna guess that no, you didn't sleep with him.
dude last night I threw my weed into my back yard. there is now a foot of snow. after an hour I found my weed. if I put that effort into school, i'd have a 4.0.
The vibrator you gave me is probably the one thing I will never give up if we got robbed at gunpoint
Walking back from greek row alone at 3:30am in a child's kangaroo suit...not my proudest moment
Wow just saw this. Nothing like a little anal sex to ring in 2012.
And now she's hand feeding me pork rines and showing me her angry birds high scores. This is Vegas.
Taking my infected piercing out in the parking lot of the food card place. This is one of those life defining moments that makes me sad.
You used up your allotted blow job minutes for the month of April last night anyways
Talk about an dramatic entrance, girl rolled up on a stolen bike and was wearing heels and a dress, through it on the ground and said "you guys want a bike?" Of course i jumped on that shit, any sane person would!
i want to have his babies. i NEED to. shit i wont even ask for child support, he's that goodlooking.
I woke up this morning with 3 phone numbers, a red Chinese New Year envelope with cash in it, and a winning scratcher all stuffed in my bra. I'd say it was a pretty successful Thursday night.
I feel like a drive thru vagina
He got in a fight. Then called me drunk to see if he should bail his friends out, or walk through a Taco Bell drive-thru. True love.
Have you ever been up at one in the morning and thought to yourself, "I do not know nearly enough about penguin reproduction"?
Randomize
