lets hang out tonight and do stupid stuff.
Dating you for 6 months was stupid enough. But thanks.
Add "its too hot" to reasons why I don't get fucked anymore
People with herpes should wear stickers.
As soon as I saw the video camera and red light on, I started rolling my eyes when he would put it in me and telling him maybe his dick was too small cause I didn't feel anything...trust me that tape is going nowhere
Dude she was 62...with a boob job. And I'm proud to say I made out with that.
Just threw up in the waiting room. I can't believe I have to switch dermatologists again.
You were screaming across the bar "BUYING US SHOTS ISN'T GOING TO MAKE US STRAIGHT, YA KNOW!!!!!!!!"
Quick question. What's the protocol on going back to a bar after going home with one of their bartenders?
Go back and try to find another to go home with.
I deleted his number so I had to go into my old voicemails which are saved through my gmail and search his name... Never underestimate the resourcefulness of a drunk girl on a mission for dick
This is what we get for YOLOing our way to obesity
Also I fell in love w a girl dressed as a pirate that was great at doing the limbo
Dude that chick had a dog in her car. Like when she goes bar hoping so does roofus. He gaurds the car.
I think the pizza delivery guy is getting a handjob next door.
Sara can't come to the phone right now. She's currently having an in-depth conversation with a flower pot.
I called him my big strong man today. It's all downhill from here. Matching Christmas sweaters, here we come
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