Something in my vomit makes me think I shouldn't have had that slurpee
we're taking a shot everytime we receive a "Happy Thanksgiving!!!!!" mass text. up to 7 since 10am. God help us.
just woke up to overhearing her on the phone saying "yeah we fucked last night, that makes 42." should i get tested?
well i fucked her too, so yes.
I am drunk at a castle and it isn't even 3. Europe is amazing.
Just pure bliss will emerge from Charles, my tranny bong.
Ive waited a long time for a girl with prescriptions like yours.
You kept showing everyone at the bar your bra to prove it matched your shoes.
We're bowling witha frozen turkey in the hallway...ur missing out
The black hole just entered the party man, I can literally see guys starting to move towards her.
Well it was tamer than the 4th of july when I blew that guy I met walking home from the fireworks
I just hooked up with the same bartender my dad cheated on my mom with in the 90s. Not sure how this makes me feel.
family traditions my good sir
dude I don't even care if I'm getting catfished the point is I'm going to get laid. hot bitch, fat bitch, skanky bitch, i don't care my penis is having an adventure tonight regardless
This whole having a new phone thing is like starting all over in life with a clean slate! (My old text convos are gone)
New phone new life!
If I could drink as much and have the amount of sex he has at his age, well I'd probably be dead
i doubt you are even in possession of a crowbar.
I suggest you not find out the hard way
Randomize
