Well i just wrestled a cop... p.s. i won
i've noticed that whenever i have to ask myself "would i be doing this if i was sober?" the answer is probably no.
is this the sara with the beer cane?
Birthday Coupon: This text is good for alteast 3 hours of Birthday Sex. Redeamable any time, anywhere, and any style.
Like I couldn't describe it to you but if they did a lineup of penises i'd be able to pick it out.
I'm drunk off vodka and I haven't eaten today. I've never felt more like Kirsten Cohen in my life.
He asked us to wake him up with a strobe light. We had it going in front of his face full power for half and hour and he didn't even blink.
A man just squeezed past me in a tight space and said, "Excuse us."
Of course I'm going to see her again. She had waterproof handcuffs in her shower.
Hey babe! Random question. Do you by chance have the pic of my nipples covered with ninja turtles band aids? Thanks.
Cancelling your gym membership calls for alcohol.
How I know I would be an awful mother....I just stirred the bong up with a baby fork. A literal baby fork....
An old Grimace plushie came to life and gave me a pretty knife. I'm never doing acid again.
You wanna explain to me why there is a banana shoved down my pants?
We walked around last night for hours saying nothing but nom nom nom and barking at each other.
Randomize
