Saying you want a bj does not count as saying you wanna see me btw.
Things you are not allowed to do while im gone: sell cats on ebay, put cats in freezer again, shave cats like lions, dye cats pink/blue, try to light cats on fire to"wake them up from their nap" agian
do you know how hard it is to pee with a pumpkin in the toilet ?
1.) You left the rest of your whiskey here 2.) I drank your whiskey 3.) then made a steam roller out of the bottle 4.) Everything tastes like whiskey
I'm in a hotel full of Marines. I'm leaving here pregnant.
Like. I probably should fuck him. I owe him for breaking his thumb.
She seriously pointed at the couch and asked me if she could "ride the talking giraffe". I'll never serve everclear again.
Im on my period and I feel like I'm going to die. The only thing that can make this tolerable is for you to eat me out in the shower. Please. I'll do anything.
Hey..um, you dont know me, but I just found your purse in a bush at the end of my street this morning
Yo plow her in the living room were all outside tommy wants to see
i formally give you permission to eat me when i pass out
We hooked up in his car and afterwards he cried. I think I need to find a new hookup...
you never un-have a 4some
Did your grand seduction include learning to play careless whisper on a kazoo or was that just a hobby
I told you that we shouldn't have sex. You said "its okay I already saw you pee" apparently that was convincing
Randomize
