if creeping was an olympic sport, i would be a lock for the gold right now.
He ate me out and then left in a hurry and shouted "Sorry to dine and dash" as he left my house
Just found a shot glass and plan b in my backpack...
Im guessing the shot glass is for plan c?
oh ps. last night you kept telling me to calm down because everything was fine cause you were getting "arab money"...
At CVS buying just condoms. The guy behind me is buying just hotdog buns. There was a silent moment of understanding between us.
two gay guys came in and bought just a kite and a box of wine. Why cant I have saturday nights that awesome
I managed to fit my wallet, my keys, my phone, Tammy's necklace, and $38.50 all in my bra. and $1.50 is in quarters. go me.
Its only.eleven and we are already chasing a man on a bike with a bag full of burger king
You don't know how much I love you. You could play Careless Whisper while we have sex and I'd still love you
I'm literally in the bathroom for two minutes and I walk out to a random dude with his face in your tits
he rolled over in the morning and told me happy valentines day. i don't even know his first name.
you were screaming "I don't need a shirt!" repeatedly while in the process of taking it off and flashing the bouncer. we got kicked out. thanks a lot.
isnt it crazy how for years we were living our owns lives, and now only a wall seperates us?
stop. eating. my. shrooms.
If i'm not ready, make sure i'm alive. Not passed out dead in the shower.
I'll still do breakfast to celebrate the life you've had.
We couldn't find her anywhere. Finally, I saw her sitting in my bathroom floor spraying hair mouse into her mouth and whispering "I fucking love whipped cream." WHAT DID YOU GIVE HER AND CAN I HAVE SOME?
Randomize
