Heard it's your birthday. I can't send pictures, but go ahead and imagine my balls.
My butt just had a miscarriage. It was yours. I'm sorry. You would have been a great sexually confused parent.
I don't remember her name, all I remember is trying to suck the wedding ring off her finger.
Finished drinking tea out of a red party cup when I was done I flipped it without even thinking
You act as if I'm the first person to pee in the Taco Bell drive thru at 2 AM, I'm sure a lot worse things have happen in that drive thru than my urine.
Getting up is taking longer than anticipated. Alcoholic fish bowls have made getting out of bed a multitstep process.
Haha...we lost by one cup to a guy w shitty facial hair. What makes me most mad abt the loss is that I could grow a better beard on my vag.
If you haven't gone to the store yet. Can you PLEASE get me some clippers my balls will thank you later
Yaaaayyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy! It has more than one y so my intentions to sleep with you after the drink special ends are clear
I was the girl at the bar last night passing out free condoms and making sure everyone knew how to use them to keep the population down
He's not replying to my booty call. Like wtf. You have ONE PURPOSE IN LIFE.
I know I've never told you this before.. but Gyro sauce makes everything okay.
Probably shouldn't be looking at memes at my grandmother's funeral
Still riding the magical train of drugs so, yeah, Id say I feel great
Sorry. I was preoccupied thinking about penises
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