im returning my roomates shirt with a "i got laid in this" thank you note
ok this guy next to me just sat down with a no joke, 10,000 page book, popped an addy, cracked open a red bull and opened the book to page 1.
i was focused on more important things... like standing, and not spilling my beer
positive spin of the day: since my nose is blocked from allergies cleaning the puke this morning was much easier
I told her the maid must have stolen all my condoms. She bought it
all i remember is that her bootyshorts said 'shameless' and that there was no turning back.
I need to stop drinking. Side note- we have a party bus tonight. So the drinking will have to end after that
I just saw a black chick with an eyepatch. This is a once in a lifetime opportunity.
I picked a bad day to wear the catch me fuck me shoes.
Did someone catch you and fuck you?
tell me you did not just describe yourself as "hot and bothered"
Yeah. I don't know. I'm just gonna show up at her place on valentines day with a jock strap, box of chocolates, and rose clenched between my ass cheeks with "be mine" written across my glorious man titties.
I saved a note for myself but all it said was "am I a slutty Holden Caulfield?"
I'll just tell you, some how when we were having sex on Friday my collarbone got fractured.
And he put my hair in my clip while i blew him...and he did a good job
so i realized that he's only my physical relationship and beer is my emotional relationship...
Randomize
