Hey when you come over to pick me up in the mornin bring a camera. This is going to be legendary. Don't knock.... They might cover up
He started yelling "fuck the environment" then puked all over the baby trees
he was writing an apology letter to his liver in shakespearean english... That much fun...
You know you're deprived when the only thing you taste while chewing gum is the 2 grams of sugar alcohol.
She was about to go down when you guys iced me. Thanks bro
I'm going to die alone in a sea of empty vodka bottles and cats.
in my defense i said 'lock up your wives' before going out.
Someone woke me up and gave me a sprite and some pills. I put them in my belly button. Trust no one.
While looking for an apartment, I've realized that the way I rate balconies is on the "how easy would it be to smoke weed here" scale.
What other scale is there?
I piss off the neighbors just so I can have someone to compete with.
Oh boom. You're officially Dr Phil. I need to have sex that I actually remember participating in.
Sorry for the milk in the bathroom. I was washing mace out of the one security guys eyes
I just walked through the door and she ran up to me, hugged me, unzipped my pants and immediately started sucking my dick. Good day.
I just hooked up with a one legged Australian guy. Hooray diversity!
It's OK, I woke up in a drag queen's bed last weekend. It took me forever to get the glitter out of my cleavage.
Randomize
