I can't disclose who, but one time I called someone, they didn't pick up, and immediately texted back 'will call later, masturbating'
I thought that was really considerate
So A**** bought my story about how my hickey was a bruise from wrestling
on one hand i'm glad that i'm not in trouble...on the other hand i realized that the reason i cheat on her is because she is so stupid
Instead of peeing my cute lil blue panties I peed in the train parking lot in front of an asian.
She said she couldnt do it today but shed make it up to me next week
stick it in her butt and if she asks, say that thats what you thought she meant
New swimming pool is best sex toy ever. We are pioneering the doggie-style paddle.
Okay! I've got my sketchbook, my purse, my coat, and a knife hidden in my cleavage. I'm ready for to meet my blind date~
I just put bacon on a thin mint and enjoyed the shit out of it. I better not be fucking pregnant.
You stopped making out with some rando guy to tell him you weren't sure about your sexuality then proceeded to follow me down the street to make out with me
I may have been mad at the Supreme Court/patriarchy and tried to hate fuck myself.
We popped the air mattress last night via sex and we just kept going but it feels like I have a bruise on every vertebrae
He propositioned me for a threesome once so yeah I'd say he has what it takes to run for public office
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog.
Well, I sent nudes with an Elmo t shirt on the floor... so there's that.
Yes ma'am. I'm attracted to unconventional people, you know that.
True. I can't judge, half of my sexual partners I only know a false first name & a number. We all have our kinks.
I know you won't see this for awhile, but I had to tell somebody, and you're like the only person who won't judge me for having an accidental erotic encounter with General Tso's chicken.
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