Four minutes until I can fart!
he said "you're pretty" then i made out with him. thats all it took
I woke up and my clothes were soaked in the shower and I was wearing a Ghostbusters uniform. I'm shocked she hasn't left me yet.
Hannah wants to know if she cant borrow your stats notes because she threw up on hers.
I have too much pride to pick his chest hair out of my mouth again
her best friend is in town and she told me that they used to fool around when they were drunk and I'd have to "help keep that from happening"
you motherfucker
Made a pan flute out of the varyingly empty beer bottles on the table. Played a glorious tune that paid tribute to the winds.
I had a great time except for the part where you called another guy, told him you were in a cab - not on a date - and that you'd meet him at a bar in 15 minutes. but besides that it was awesome. Next time capping you at two glasses of wine
2 girls slept in my bed with me. 3 more girls slept on a mattress on my floor. The furthest I got was cuddling. Here's my man card.
Just bought a gingerbread house kit and pregnancy tests. Happy holidays.
Hungover on St. Patrick's Day. I did this backwards.
He updated Facebook... "Got a new phone today." WHAT ABOUT THE FUCKING KID YOU HAD?!
We get up to three toppings. Dignity is not one of them.
She climbed in my window blew me and left. She's in my phone as the blow job fairy
I think my stomach is breaking up with me. It's giving me back everything I ever gave it.
Randomize
