Why must guys tell girls who are a little bigger that "they like a girl with meat on her bones?" Yeah needless to say he went home alone
they need to just BURY HIM!
well hello there hangover. fancy meeting you here on this BRIGHT thursday morning.
I need to make a 'no kissing' rule for my casual hookups during cold season...this cold is so not worth it.
just an fyi, false alarm on the whole ghonnorea thing. you're safe.
If after tonight I can still walk on my own, take me to another bar.
I'm watching intervention which is getting me psyched for your birthday. Is that wrong?
I just want to have such an intense orgasm that my heart stops and I die. I mean that would kind of suck for the guy I'm fucking but then again he could be like "I'm that good"
Wors thing about having a cop dad: random drug testing
I decided staying home, watching porn and masterbating was a much better choice than the gym. And I was right.
He bought me a burrito. I introduced him as "Horse-Dicked Jake" all night. My debt has been repaid.
I'm still drunk. I put on workout clothes this morning and just puked in my bathroom. That's the same as going to the gym, right?
i am rolling on molly so fucking hard i want to do 300 cartwheels
You ever fart so bad at work that you think about taking a sick day just to spare your coworkers from the savage olfactory beating they are about to receive?
Well, I hope you're having fun. I'm just gonna lay here and wait for death - shouldn't be long now.
Randomize
