had no condoms so I just made do with an empty doritos bag.
She knew it was going down when I had her search for "condoms" in my iPhone Maps.
One of my residents in my hall just found my positive pregnancy test from last year I hid behind the fridge, I'm just going to tell them it was for a science project.
I pretty much gave up on you when you told me you couldn't go home yet b/c you had to stop at church first. It was 2 AM and you insisted you were late for mass.
He was so bad, he was dry humping me and his dick was nowhere close to my vagina.
In the hospital waiting to be tested for the first uti of the school year....I'm BACK BTICHES.
I am a terrible person. This is almost as bad as when I was going to see my ex while my boyfriend was at that funeral.
What's standard gratutity for someone having a miscarriage on stage at a strip club? It's important.
Shame tastes like burnetts and latex
Yea, I had a chaperone thankfully. I'm in the fetal position attempting to eat captain crunch now.
She almost killed me. The shot she handed me had tacks in it. Wtf?!
New rule. No seeing movies about plane crashes after killer bong rips
Less adorably, the dog stared me down, yelping, while I gave him a morning blowie.
Is it something I'm going to want to hug you for or slap you for?
Fuck the library it's too quiet and makes me uneasy. I feel like I'm so isolated I should take off my pants or something
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