Like all of my pajamas are shirts of guys I shacked with in college
ill find time for any girl whos not afraid to grab my junk in front of 100 people
i chased bacardi with meat sauce last night
I can now tell my grandchildren Central Park has really great spots for quickies...
At some point tonight the bad ideas in my head became bad decisions that happened outside my head
ahhhh just came to creep and you're not there AND your thong you were wearing last night is on the floor..someone has some explaining to do
If we accept the love we think we deserve do we also accept the sex we think we deserve?
Yea... The gym isn't gunna happen today... When I was drunk last night I tried to prove I could front flip off the wheel cover of a semi... I fucked up my shoulder pretty bad... It was more of a roll
Why was I drunk tweeting incorrect Beyonce lyrics last night?
I have no inclination to even want to think about what God's existential meltdown is going to be like. O.o
I have poison ivy and a broken finger. Don't have a threesome in the woods.
I feel like I have a very capable uterus.
I mean when you laced a shot with $200 worth of cocaine I could see why you'd be mad when somebody drops it
So in my DUI class I had to write down 3 people I'd call if I needed to talk and why...they all want to meet you now...
Emergency thong? Check! Suspension bondage is a go!
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