I'm too stoned for this. I'm Canadian.
now everythime i write "i'm" in my phone my tap9 spells out "i'm-never-drinking-again". It's trying to remind me
I think i accidentally made vodka pancakes
Correct me if I'm wrong but the photo album titles "cause I've been drankin" and "baby jessica" should not belong to the same person.
My nipple ring got caught on the rug again. Tequila makes me unlearn these things
That bottle of wine took a part of my soul with it.
In other news my cocaine dealer got arrested for heaving some kid out of a fourth story window.
Please hurry up and come back. This is so awkward. He's showing me banana videos.
Just walked into your room to get my clothes and he's still passed out in your bed. Remind me to high five you when you get home
I wish I could have seen the drive thru woman's face after " May I please have 20 Mcflurrys.....and a large diet coke, I'm trying to watch my weight for bikini season."
I'm going to get high and eat ice cream until the pain goes away. You're welcome to join.
And let me tell you, getting your ass waxed is the weirdest fucking experience.
He must be a special kind of stupid to cheat on a women who works at a funeral home. Does he not understand you can get rid of dead bodies easier than most Americans?
Can someone explain to me why guys are so fascinated w their dicks that they feel like they'll die if they don't send unsolicited dick pics
You fist bumped my dick last night saying good game. That you'll be back for the 2nd game...
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