We found your brother, passed out, floating in our pool, with a bottle, on a blow up mattress. How did he mange to walk 2 blocks and get into our backyard?
apparently i told her i wouldn't press charges if she brought me food.
as I was walking out the door her and her roommate started singing "toot it and boot it".. I'm in love
He brought a jar of pickles to the party. So now I've had beer, animal crackers, AND a pickle since noon.
Putting a breathalyzer in a bar is a horrible idea. But I won
It isn't possible and the very mindfuck of that concept gives me a lady boner.
I heard you coughing. Are you choking or smoking? And are you okay?
well I tackled her when she was going to go upstairs because I was convinced that the house was haunted. You gotta stick together in horror movies.
Well I'm going to hell. But I'm going after multiple orgasms.
I've been here 11 months and i just realized i have literally never looked at my apartment/roomates sober
Can you please help mom and dad? Theyre trying to figure out Skype, and its like 2 cavemen finding fire.
Rarely does a man I fucked with upgrade from me
Just realized how behind i am. Will gradually increase drinking until i don't remember that i missed an entire year of class.
can we fuck so we can live up to our nicknames for eachother?
If you are refering to the duckling living in your bath...I can explain, but before I do, can you throw a peice of bread in there?
Randomize
