i feel like someone uncorked me like a wine bottle and pulled a living animal outta my arse.
You should really come over right now. There's hot construction workers across the street. I'm gonna go pour beer on myself in a bikini on the sidewalk. See you in 5?
Passing out during sex is actually quite pleasant. its like being rocked to sleep with a penis
check off brunette on the list of girls tht hit me with there cars and then fucked me later
They just caught the deck on fire and I ran out with cups off the beer pong table filled with water from the toilet. It was the closest water source.
I'm trying to find candidates for my winter break hook up. I'm going to hold auditions thanksgiving break.
And I think short bridesmaids dresses are the best idea especially for bathroom sex
The bartender was shocked when I took the mop bucket from him and told him I'd take care of my friends puke.
I am wrecking havoc on the skinny girls by going home with the big one. She is taking me to see her dog now.
Do not deep throat a rocket pop, it WILL go into your lungs, and you may die.
Dude, I just had the best sex of my life in a porta potty at the NCAA girls lax championships but didn't get her name or number. But I have her sunglasses. How is this possible, I'm sad.
I love your life.
George Washington did not fight for our freedom just to have people shit themselves all night
Today I learned that I have a bigger dick than Draymond Green
that guy was staring at your tits.
nah, more like they were staring at him, and his girlfriend, and her less than adequate bosom. they pitied the fool.
point taken, oh mistress of the bosoms.
Hey this is your roommate. You know the one that let you have sex with her while you called out your exs name and cried?
I have no recollection of that. You must have the wrong number. P.s. your thongs still on the ceiling fan.
Randomize
