The pregnant Hooters waitress told me to "make good choices".
I literally saw him try to open a beer can with his anus. We need o step up our game.
She was touching herself and looking a shoes online. My debt is bad enough without bringing that hot mess into my life.
The 12 year old son winked and made eyes at me while his father fed me vodka gummy bears. Gameday yo
i think god would be more upset with me for turning down such a beautifully crafted cock than he would for me liking girls
How much more is Amanda Bynes going to rip out our hearts?!?!?
My exam ends at 4pm so I plan to be passed out in the bar by 5pm. Want to join me?
I just offered a cat a "drinky drinky" I'd say my night has started
I thought you might think I was an idiot who thought cock rings prevent STDs,
He kept telling me my vagina was a pleasure cave... I ended up just taking it as a complimetn
I just realized, you're dating a guy named Jameson. That is another level of whiskey dick.
Was reaching for my vibrator this morning out of my nightstand and strained my neck muscle. I'm getting so old.
When I came she triumphantly exclaimed, "MUAHAHA VICTORY IS MINE!"
I woke up under the stretchy sheet like the corners were still stuck under the bed. I had to wiggle the corners off in order to get up. I was trapped. how did that happen
I feel like 20 angels jizzed in my mouth. This cupcake is DELICIOUS!
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