I'm gunna smoke cigs today. I feel like I'm in that powerful and gritty mood which requires them
it doesn't count as moral degradation if you win the strip off -right?
Vodka + horseback riding = vomit in the saddle bags
Putting the hydrocodone in Pez dispensers. Do you want Speedy Gonzales or Darth Vader?
well right now he's telling us a story how he befriended a racoon
Just suggested things for my dad to get my mom for Christmas in terms of "yeah you'll get laid."
And then we made hashbrowns with vodka and queso.
Get your penis over here NOW. emergency
She is currently expressing her joy for "bad to the bone" through interpretive dance...
I got whiskey, so I think the blizzard and I are at an even match
Haha. Maybe he's one of those feminine men who fucks like a god then makes you fantastic crepes afterwards
When you're all settled in, text me, and I can sorta apologize for saying that your phone can suck my dick. What I really meant to say is that your Windows phone can suck my Android phone's dick.
To the point, I hope I remember where to put my dick when I finally get laid again
You have a 50 50 chance
Can we just get drunk and watch the Birdcage please I have no tolerance for straight men today
You spent an hour sitting naked in your neighbor's Jeep Wrangler yelling in a terrible British accent about how you were "on a safari". Then you passed out on your lawn.
Randomize
