Ugh I have so many sins to confess tmw at church, you just made me think of many more I've made on that street alone
Riding a fattie is like riding a scooter, its ok just not in public.
But like now everytime I pee I just think... wow I had sex with him on this toilet.
Seriously, in what other class can the final major discussion be what bar you're going to with your prof?
The thing is that despite the high paying career and the increased responsibility, my life hasn't changed that much. Only instead of blacking out on $2 wells at some dive I blackout on top shelf martinis in a suit. Oh and only on Fri & Sat nights. Being 30 doesn't suck as bad as everyone led me to believe.
and ive been naked for the greater part of the evening. alone, drunk, and naked. i think that is how all great interventions start.
Either I just got hit on by a 10 year old.girl dressed like a boy or I just got hit on by a midget lesbian. Either way I feel uncomfortable
How do I go about messaging a girl on a dating site whose little sister I've had a three some with...?
The number of tpain songs that actually relate to my life right now is embarrassing.
Buying the inflatable beer pong table for the pool was one of the best investments I've ever made
You have ruined sex with him for me. Now all I think is "boy scout" and I want to go home
THE PRUIS IN YOUR DRIVEWAY IS NOT YOURS
excuse me?
I accidentally borrowed your spare keys a while ago...i just tried them...that, my friend, is not your car.
not that i'm not about exploiting men for money
If I wasn't planning on spend the rest of my life with you I wouldn't send you so many nudes, so fucking appreciate it
OMG also, I'm sorry I tased you a lil
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