Its ok relax. i can tell ur gonna start raggin. talk 2 u next week
He lasted like 30 seconds. With a condom. I just expected more from the president of a frat.
Someone left a shot of disaronno in a champagne glass here this morning... flip a coin?
You brought back some girl with you at 3am and introduced her to everyone as "hot pocket"
as we were driving back from the frat house he pulled down his pants and convinced me his penis "wanted some air"
EVERYONE CAN HEAR YOU FUCKING YOU ARE IN A TENT
Throwing up in the car while my mom drives, sister holds the bag & my dad holds my hair. This is how my family bonds.
she's traveling up the coast with her camera and a stash of pot cookies eating food from different campuses. said she slept in a closet 2 states away last nite... of course I'm interested
Really?!? Does he think blocking me on FACEBOOK means that he doesn't have a kid with me?!
I'll get you through man, I'll be your fairy godmother with better prescription drugs
Do you think blood ever gets sick of carrying all these drugs around?
Like, there are so many different things we make it do, and it just wants to settle down and be a one-drug fluid?
Stop reading WebMD high.
Mimosa dick, like his cousin Whiskey dick, is just as ineffective but a lot more fun to be around
Where were you last night, and why am I not surprised that drag queens were involved?
i said cake fell into my bra, you stood up and yelled "Im coming soldier", leaped acrossed the couch and started motorboating my boobs. i would have been cool with it if your mom didnt keep calling me the "lesbiainizer"
I think the cop who arrested me yesterday is at my gym rn should I say hi
Randomize
