My glasses are somewhere in your living room. Also, my underwear might be in your bathroom or on or around your porch. Sorry.
i swear to god. if they dont have practically DTF written on their foreheads, or a glowstick in their hands, strictly no entry.
There comes a time where you just have to sit back and watch the drunken idiots pee on each other
If I walk in on you beating off, at least have the fucking decency to STOP BEATING OFF!
I'm just gonna wear a long dress with no panties today. My pussy needs a break.
Waking up to find your mom holding your birth control pills and telling you I suggest you take this
I have one of those hangovers where you visualize how awesome it would be to climb in your fridge and drink glacier water
He said he would pay my bar tab if he couldn't answer my question. He lost to the age old question of our youth. Why did pogs go out of style.
I do believe that seeing camel toe in leopard print pants at Walmart is the closest I will ever come to going on a safari
I knew full well that at some point during the night my penis would be out with this costume choice
You're too young to have this sort of Grizzled Old Drunk In Roadside Bar wisdom.
Of course i made out w him. He was painted green. You know of my secret longing for the Hulk.
Don't do him, he's a Dolphins fan! A FUCKING DOLPHINS FAN!
The bouncer said the club was at capacity we couldnt get in till ppl left all three of them pulled their tits out we got complimentary bottle service never under estimate women
All I remember was you telling him there was something behind him so he would turn around and you could slide down his carpeted stairs on your belly without a shirt on. How's that carpet burn btw?
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