Fuck. sleeping in my sisters room again I heard zombie noises outside my window
At the bar. Guy comes up wearing a hollister shirt and says "lets blow this popsicle stand"
You fucking left with him didn't you?!
Well I put her head right through the headboard. Thank god the room was under her name.
You were eating microwaved pad thai out of a solo cup with a pair of scissors....
So the bros are yelling at another bro to get that dildo off the roof. And there is indeed a dildo looking object on the roof.
Yes he was puking but in the only light of the whole parking lot and he was resting in the patch of clovers and he just was a garden fairy
Carson when you get home I want you to go downstairs and go into each bedroom and pick up the underwear and either throw it out or give it back to the people who own them. Look all over the room. Thank, Love Mom
We watched game of thrones, broke up and I drove away blasting ridin solo while he dougied
Hooked up with a 20 year old. Only reason I did was cos I thought he was 18
Just accidentally walked into a parade for Jesus
Sorry for trying to baptize you last night
You knew the entire thing in Latin I was so impressed
Its a shame I cant put 'bomb ass head game' on my resume.
We'll just play naked Twister, the rest will take care of itself
I JUST PETTED A FUCKING SQUIRREL. A SQUIRREL.
I'm eating Arby's in the bathtub because I'm an adult and I do what I want
Randomize
