Friends don't let friends talk to people who live in Orlando. Sorry I've failed you.
Mom wants to know why I'm bringing a blender back to college.... didn't have the heart to tell her she's paying a $20,000 tuition for us to make margaritas and sleep through class
I just got turned down by a drunk fat chick. At my own birthday party. God hates me.
i feel this will be the best possible way to start a friendship. By breaking into his house.
We've been here for ten minutes. She told me I wasn't "Irish enough", licked my tits, and then sprinkled green glitter on them.
Had sex and ran 2.8 miles all before 7:30am. This is going to be a very productive Monday.
I can't help but feel like we would be friends still if my phone didn't always capitalize BUTTLOAD...
You were running around waving the flier in everyone's face and thats how we ended up in a church eating free breakfast tacos at 3 am
you haven't really lived until you are in a situation where your vagina is hanging out
first time i ever mailed panties back to a fuck buddy. what better of a way to say its over
I mayyyyy have moaned a name that wasn't his
I’m also apparently a very socialist drunk now
Instead of a horny one. All I want to fuck is capitalism these days.
I told him I lived in the apartment beside his brother and he said "oh, you're the girl that watches really loud porn!"
I mean, I'm not hammered, but I definitely can't show my face or tits in that bowling alley again
Idk, apparently drinking five Four Loko's and trying to fight a mailbox constitutes disorderly conduct.
Randomize
