You know how I know it's Spring Break? I just passed a car with "South Padre bound" shoe polished on the back. The driver was blatantly drinking a roadie and getting road head.
I wonder what it would be like to go to the dry cleaners and not have to inform them that all my clothes are stained with booze.
I was thinking Sara Jessica Parker was hot. That high.
I saw he had me in his phone as "the fat twin"
I fucked a 6'7 Danish man. In the ocean. At 5am. Greetings from Florida!
I'm calling into work tomorrow for day drinking and kitten shopping. Totally legitimate.
Fate is real! that hot chick, Megan just showed up dressed as jasmine and I'm dressed as Aladdin this is going to be cake
I was scared I had HIV after last time so I'm not gonna do it again
But he was really hot
Glad you don't have HIV
Who replies to a drunk text at 6am that's like against the rules of being a designated drunk text receiver
He said my vagina is harder to escape than the Temple of Doom.
The dick lei will go down in squad history
For not being a nurse or a sex worker I have seen an alarming amount of penises.
I've never had someone have to dis-arm themselves before I sucked their dick prior to that
its official, you're fucking me on my lunch break. the only thing I want in my mouth is your dick. pick me up at noon.
want fries with that?
I’m the skeleton in his closet, but I only come out on Tuesday and Thursday afternoon and when his wife is out of town
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