I just saw the Donald Trump of homeless quys walking down the street. He had three shopping carts and a bike.
They thought I was the paid stripper pretty much, and a lady tried to set me up with her nephew and then wanted to get my number for lesbian daughter... A typical night for me
just had to make the 420 edibles gluten free and kosher for passover.
You ad-libbed two DETAILED rounds of price is right, 1 wheel of fortune, and 1 deal or no deal.... by yourself with sound effects and music included
She just tried to snort granola up her nose but its ok she's not bleeding.
I swear to Christ if it turns out to be an intervention, i will set you on fire.
She had a cast on when I met her, but she blamed me for breaking her arm this morning. I'm gonna marry this girl.
You just get me....like our souls are boning in the spirit world
The problem with drugs is that there's none in this hotel
The problem with drugs is that showing my boobs only gets so much of them
eh, I feel I'm heading for a breakdown and I need to get it out of the way before I start writing that lab report.
Fucked him in his sketchy van in the Applebee's parking lot. In other news, my dry spell is over.
Please don't bang more than two exes at a time, just so I won't get confused.
I mean, I'm not upset that HE's getting married, I'm upset his penis has to go through with it by default
Pretty sure if we keep hanging out on Tuesdays there will be no whiskey left for the younger generations or the universe will implode....tomato tahmato
Met a beautiful Irishman two nights in a row. I may never come back.
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