There is a girl getting fingered on my left, a middle aged drink man smoking a bong and two girls flashing the cameras in front of me. I'm in the middle trying to maintain my innocence.
She has a t-rex face on a stuart little body.
Listen, I'm 30. If it doesnt involve a super soaker and some chicken wings, you can count me out.
It wasn't the stripper that gave you the hickey but I just figured out who did
Just made macaroni burritos. Fukkin awesome. We'll have to try this when I'm sober.,!
No no no...you park the car, stick your tongue down his throat, slip your number in his pocket, invite him to insomnia, and THEN LEAVE. You go from awkward to epic in a matter of seconds.
I was at that stage of drunk where it seemed appropriate to just make out with everyone. As like a greeting.
I hear you
I yelled out look at all those hickeys. And then gave her boyfriend a high five
When you're awkward as a teenager, it never goes away. You just mask it. With makeup. And boobs.
I really just want to eat 20 mcnuggets and slap everyone with the box when I'm done.
I have a gay crossdressing neighbor that's dresses up as a slutty pirate. 6 beers from now I would have hit on him. I hate halloween.
I partied with 2 slutty ninja turtles from Sweden last night, I Love Halloween.
Man i fell asleep on a random persons porch on the way home and woke up to the family banging on the windows trying to wake me up
I mean, he drove your car and it burst into flames, if anyone cant be trusted, it's him.
All the doctor said was why
I'm eating Arby's in the bathtub because I'm an adult and I do what I want
Randomize
