First thing she said after sex was.. are you baptised by chance?
you yelled "you will never make love to jesus" and then ran into the tv.
I'm on a cruise to the Bahamas and this text message is gunna cost me $10 but I need you to pray on my behalf for the things I'm about to do these 2 girls and what I did last night to a 35 year old mother of 3.
She said i kept moaning her moms name instead of hers
Good thing it was his birthday because I accidentally grabbed his dick at the bar. A lot.
He said he has something to give me... I swear to God if it's a joint or a framed picture of his penis i'm going to kill him
Would it be weird if I told you I thought of you when I masturbated?
Looks like I'm more than just your Mexico mistake...
Hey, please tell me that you and dad are having actual steaks tonight and I did not just get sexted by my dad
My roommate has gone Christmas crazy. It looks like Jack Frost came all over my living room. Wanna come fuck me in the fake snow by the fireplace?
Just got your message from Saturday. Shove all the kittens down your pants? Really?
I was emotionally compromised.
I only remember singing the Captain Planet theme song on our way to the bars.
Life is when you're laying naked in bed, eating Double Stuff Oreos with your boyfriend, blazed as fuck. Happy 4/20.
I never saw such an emotional argument over yellow vs. spicy mustard.
No dude. I can't think of anything LESS sexy than yodeling
I sure hope so...I wonder if he could tell in that email that I'm really good at blow jobs. Hopefully he heard that tone. Any means necessary.
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