True story: Just left my solo cup on a cop car. Yesss
I can hear my liver begging me not to go out tonight
It was the third Sunday in a row that I woke up in his bathtub. So no our sex life isn't that great anymore.
She answered the door wearing a blanket and holding a golf club. I was too late for this party.
Dude, you need to understand there is a fine line between "guilty pleasure" and in the closet gay
Year anniversary in a month. Think I'll just give him a COME ON MY FACE FREE card. I'm both broke and shameless.
he can show you his cooooock\nshining, shimmering, splendiddddd
I'm starting to second guess shaving my vagina over the kitchen sink. The lighting is so much better though.
You don't put off sexcapades. Life lesson #1.
I think the moment I knew you were going to black out was when I told you how many shots you had already and you were shocked and then poured another one
Tried to land my foot on his shoulder and kicked him in the face. Then I fell into a homeless man's bike and posed with a buffalo head. How was your night?
A good drinking club with a running problem, improves endurance in both I have observed this evening.
2 for 1 beer results in multiples of 2 so what should be a beer or two becomes 4 or 6. But running, alleviates the need for a DD.
I just found weed in my bra #magicboobs2k16
So let me get this straight I was getting drunk with our science teacher from high school and you got drunk with an 82 year old woman who invited you back to her house and made you sandwiches.
Yes.
you thought the best thing to say to him was "you aint no fuckin cop"
Randomize
