alcohol turns me into mario batali of easy mac
i havent thrown up in four monthes, im clearly not drinking enough
Nothing like a little anal leakage to start off Sunday morning. Can't decide if that speaks well of my weekend or not...
She used the introduce me to her roommates so she could find out my name trick the next morning..I may be in love.
Then he showed me his sketchbook. Every drawing was a hand in different 'fingering positions'. Dear JESUS.
I just spent the last 30 mins playing uplifting songs to my uterus, & there's no way I'm pregnant.
i just woke up to a text from him apologizing for making me eat a full lemon
Just walk up to him nice, spread your legs like smooth peanut butter on toast and scream "LOOK AT MY BEAVER! LOOK AT IT!!"
There are two guys's cum on my sheets. Be a man and be the third.
I just can't do Wednesdays sober anymore
I dunno I mean I feel like I owe everyone an apology except the two people I punched in the face
It's called life, you pretentious bitch. Grow up.
I love you. Doing a double. Going to die. It will be painful. Let the world know i partied. God, did i party.
You have GOT to stop kicking in his kitchen door. Just wait for him to open it next time.
Just because I'm asexual doesn't mean I can't have a revenge fuck.
Randomize
