I hate fucking guys that don't drink coffee. My morning hangover and shame will not be cured by your stupid tea.
you used progresso chicken soup as a mixer last night
he couldn't find his key, so we just had sex on his parent's porch while we waited for his mom to get home.
I looked at her and said "I now pronounce you pumpkin tits"
I just peed on my pajamas. Its gonna be a long night. Don't forget the cookies.
I can't believe we just used the phrase "jizz to juice ratio" in casual conversation.
It was an 11am booty call. We were both out of our element.
I convinced every single one of my cousins to bring me a glass of wine. I was the alcoholic queen and they were my subjects.
Funny how I'm trusting a magic 8 ball I found in the kids toy section to tell me about my sex life
Came home to my roommate drinking a 40 in the shower. Chugging with his hair still fully shampoo'd.
One more sleep until playoffs, Canucks are back this year, you bet your ass I'm going to uphold the tradition of being the 90 lb girl that fights every hairy ass Bruins fan at BWW.
I'm at the gym. I've taken enough caffeine to feel inspired to be a low budget instagram fitness model. I totally forgot my push up bra though
Well, I have no idea where my underwear is, so yea I would say it was a good weekend.
The text I got from my boyfriend this morning: "babe, I'm not mad because I know you were drunk, but you kissed 3 guys last night and I wasn't one of them".
Just did the "lost my phone, need #'s" post and I got a text saying "go ahead and save me as Ashley-DD because I know you will anyway. I think I love her.
Randomize
