Too much gin, very little bucket
after a few more beers I realized that both my wife and I like Latin men.
Theres also beggin' strips and a dog bone in the corner...nooo signs of there being a dog though.
Sometimes he has weird facial hair...Basically he has a penis... that's what he's got going for him.
there was a kid getting taken out of the waterpark handcuffed to a wheelchair singing "tryna catch me ridin dirty"
You were almost as fucked up as I was the night I hooked up with a bob saget look alike...
Dude, she brought over peach cobbler, weed and alcohol plus I'm gonna get laid. She's by far the coolest sister you have.
Hey that girl we tagged team last night invited me to her birthday on Facebook, remind me to be sick that day.
I accidentally got a lemon stuck in your bong. I was trying to make it taste good. Sorry
The smell of mosquito spray completely ruined the sex.
If I am telling you about the details of the shits I take I probably don't want to have sex with you. Probably.
I gotta give him props though, I've never been propositioned for sex via flash mob.
I'm only bisexual one week out of the month. Nothing like ovulation hormones to make the genders of my hookups seem completely irrelevant.
I am literally this close to screaming out my window if anyone nearby was down to fuck. I am too damn horny.
St. Patty's shenanigans tmrw? I wanna meet dudes lol. Why stop at coronavirus when you can get the clap, too?
Randomize
