when i woke up i was missing $380 from my bank account
damn...impressive bar tab
no i guess i bought a gasoline powered blender off ebay, i need a breathalyzer for my computer
quick I need to know all the foods that the very hungry caterpillar ate
everyone made a circle around them and startd chanting fight fight. they wernt fighting, they were dry humping
Brandon just fucked that chick! I tried to warn him but T9 said she had "puppy roses" instead of "pussy sores"
want the rest of his teeth to fall out while he slowly dies alone. Pretty sure I'm to the anger phase.
I DO NOT KNOW WHO SHE IS, WE HAVE NO MORE FRUIT, SHE CAN'T STAY HERE.
I actively tried geting in the guy's pants and ended up in the girl's. I'm bad at this whole straight while drunk thing.
My nipple piercings are like the guardrails, that's why they feel so safe.
I just came inside of a Gatorade bottle. That hungover.
I actually had to tell him that sex doesn't replace my Tupperware. Our relationship has reached a weird level.
He came to my Harry Potter marathon wearing a Hogwarts uniform. Of course I fucked him.
do you remember your solution to not spill your drinks last night? .. Shots, that way you wouldnt have time to spill them. i love your drunken logic haha
This is a friendly reminder to try not to shit on the toilet seat. If our 4 year old can manage it, I think you can too.
Just got up.... With the club stamp on my ass.... How did it got there????
Yes be both agreed it was the worst sex in the history of fornication, so I asked him to sign the condom wrapper so I could frame it as a reminder to NEVER sleep with him again
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