I hate ducks.
What?
they're sketch. like squirrels. squirrels are sketch as fuck.
soooo.. i guess the cop said he'd drop the charges if i go to some AA meetings and i said fuck AA. not one of my better choices.
and she was petting her beer can
Facebook is used to stalk your friends, Twitter is used to stalk celebritie=s, and Myspace is used to stalk underaged girls. Everything else is porn. T=he Internet in a nutshell.
I just found $40 in the jeans I wore last night. PS I also found the jeans I wore last night.
grab my backpack.....its in the fridge
Highlight of my weekend: having my card suspended due to "suspicious charges" and standing in line at the gas station yelling at customer service on the phone that I really did go to 4 different strip clubs in one night
How can you turn a kayak date down? I'M TALKING RIVER HEAD HERE.
Get your ass over here, we're drinking Patron and watching My Little Pony. Patron and Ponies, do you copy?!
well, I yelled "the tribe has spoken!" at a boatload of people and then I walked home alone in the pouring rain at 1:30am. karma really is a bitch, yo.
He was running late for work this morning, so I helped him out by finding a matching pair of black socks. And I hated it. So I'm currently drinking and reminding myself of the reasons I will never get married.
Witnessing a crazy lady on the bus screaming about how romney is one of the four horsemen of the apocalypse.
I need to find parents that want to take care of a grown adult. I'm sure there's a website out there for that. Like a sugar daddy but sugar parents.
the shoes thing blows my mind idk how the fuck i did that and im also missing 4 of my birth control pills like did i drunkenly decide to overload my body with estrogen
Why r u in my phone under "the last survivor"?
Randomize
