I think she heard me call her a fat skank. But she was to be fair.
There's a naked kid on the floor on your side of the bed. Don't freak out when you wake up. I think we need to fix the lock on the door...
I fell alseep but then some dude picked me up. Comforter and all stuck a blunt in my mouth and carried me back downstairs because "I wasn't done partying"
we just plugged the camera up to the big screen. would you like to come see what you did last night, in high definition?
Hah, I lost the lenses in my glasses, didn't event notice til this morning... How was the meeting?
So here i am dipping ice cream in my vodka and watching the bad girls club on demand. This is not ok
The only good thing about this is that the pharmacy guy will stop trying to add me on Facebook.
Dude, you flipped off a cat from my balcony and yelled at it to get a house
All I've done this weekend is cum and drink. I think it's safe to say I'm dehydrated.
Super awkward when the coworker you made out with in exchange for molly last weekend keeps coming over to your cube and trying to talk to you
I know. It was just so disappointing. I almost made it. And now the "when's the last time you peed your pants" clock has restarted. Lol
ever since I turned 21 the mother-daughter bonding sessions always end with whiskey and my little pony. I don't know why, it's just a thing that happens
Well... This is my last night at the resort. So far, the only thing that has been in my vagina is sand.
I am the most hated person in hoboken. Ive been doing drunken cake boss impressions down the street for the past 20 mins.
It's official, I'm not staying in tonight
What caused that decision?
You only live once
Randomize
