Did your girl go home? Did she have fun? Can we have our friend back?
If I were a woman I'd fill my water bra with liquor so that I could sip on it throughout the day.
I am tired of kissing girls with mustaches.
I told my mom happy mother's day then rubbed my belly and said "Oh, and happy grandmother's day too..." She started sobbing. You were right, that wasn't the best way to tell her.
there is mayo everywhere what the fuckkkk
I had to close one eye to read the questions on my final this morning. That hungover.
i can't understand anything he's saying. But he spells alcohol right everytime so i deciphered it.
I'm high and I have a consensual booty call on the way and just thought that it was a good time to let you know that I think that you are a stellar person.
I tried getting kicked out of my favorite bar. No matter what I did, I could do no wrong
I just came so hard my hamstring felt like it was going to tear. I am also now a screamer
He called my boobs fluffy. Part sexy part pilsbury dough boy. Part sexy pilsbury dough boy. I'm so confused. And flattered?
It would be magical, all 2 min of it.
Why does your place smell like gin and misery?
I prefer to think of it as 'ode to single life'
Any idea why my ass cheeks are bruised again?
The fact that theyre bruised AGAIN means you're not adult enough to know why.
She can be as judgemental as she wants. But she thinks the female orgasm is a myth so who is really winning here...
Randomize
