I had a dream last night where you were a transsexual in a low cut blue dress with lovely long brown hair. You were very pretty. I hope you are well.
i'm pissing behind 7/11. if you guys leave... i'll think it's funny too
I had to remind him that there is no "age exchange rate" between the u.s. and spain, and that 16 will always equal 16
I'm sitting by the window waiting for the sun to go down so that I can start drinking.
and unfortunately for you, hallmark doesnt make a "sorry i was getting a blowie in the backseat of your car while you were driving, projectiled my jizz onto your hand, and caused you to crash" card
I thought it was kinda weird that her ten yearold sister was playing bartender, but hey, the girl makes a damn good drink
I've never seen a grown man cry so much after getting jerked off by a stripper. I say it's the best $600 he ever spent.
He said I went to go sit outside and is promised I wouldn't leave he brings me a chair and I'm gone. He found me stumbling a half mile away in my socks
You called to teach me about fire safety, meowed a whole bunch, said "I hope you are not on fire" and hung up.
I bet George Washington got SERIOUS head back in his hay day.
I just slapped myself in the face with my dildo and I know that's a weird thing to share but I just had to tell to someone omg I'm laughing so hard
She was just trying to do dick voodoo. Pretty standard stuff.
I know where his drugs are but not my pants
Guys I ate pizza off the fucking ground of the cab. I am the worst type of person
Watching South Park, doing sit-ups and drinking tequila. In other words, my night is going pretty good.
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