I really hope your girlfriend didnt have your phone while i texted how much i loved doing it in HER car with you :x
You were face down, at your computer, surrounded by beer bottles listening a bagpipes version of amazing grace.
And we started making out. She asked me to pick a number between 1 and 10. I said 6. She took me to her room. A few minutes later I wasnt a virgin. DUDE I WAS GOING TO SAY 2.
Yo, if someone calls you asking for John Stamos, just go with it.
yeah...i noticed he pets people when he's drunk. It's odd.
She said I came to for a minute, shouted IHOP!! and then shook my head and said no before passing out again
The bouncers kicked us out around 3 so we went to the grocery store flasks in hand and asked them to turn up their music...
If you spent as much time trying to get laid as you do masturbating you would surpass all of us.
tried doing a cartwheel after 10 beers. Guess who has a dislocated shoulder.
I thought you were single?
I am. But thats cuz no one wants to marry shame and regret doused in tequila. But thanks for reminding me ya dick.
I'm about to have a bowl of Advils... without any fucking milk.
Well if I can't snuggle you, I might as well snuggle a stranger's cat.
how early is too early to start drinking over the gilmore girls revival
You kept telling everyone that you were as sober as a camel. I have yet to figure out what that means
Your parents are gone and we haven't fucked in their bed... why?
Randomize
