I just heard an old guy ask the chick he was with if she wanted to try ass to mouth...
thanks for that.
I just talked to a CEO of a fortune 500 company while pooping. I LOVE being self employed.
our school mascot just walked into class and threw condoms everywhere. welcome to college
My boyfriend cheated on me...what do I do?! :( JK IM BREAKIN UP WIT DAT
i told her that i loved her pillow breasts and then she asked me if i wanted to motor boat them. so yea, i do need the room tonite.
this guy had a colored tattoo of Chucky on his leg, whatever drugs he does, i want them
I just had sex in a cardigan. Made me feel old. Smarter somehow, but old.
Meanwhile I am sitting on the couch with a 32 ounce rum and coke trying to decide if I'm too drunk to go get french fries.
I repeat the shot was ON FIRE. I am never going to a pirate bar again.
He asked me "did you used to go to church" while we were having sex.
I think I'm still drunk and I think you were in my dream (sadly, it was not a sexual bill murray one).
I just explained it as we hate everyone in the world more then we hate each other. Thus making us friends. Plus we drink...a lot
I think drinking is the foundation of our friendship
I woke up on the dog bed, bottle of alcohol still in hand and my thong was hanging off the family portrait.... Yikes
The bag I'm bringing home for the weekend: a change of clothes, workout shoes, and sex toys, that's it.
I mean, it's just pathetic when the standard is tinder and he can't live up to it.
Randomize
