my weekend in 10 words or less: hot friend of a friend, open bar, beach house, sore. In that order too.
You know it's an interesting night when you drunkenly scream at your boss, "You'd make a HORRIBLE OBGYN!! You're hands are ENORMOUS!"
Woke up in an unfamiliar basement in a sleeping bag with Matt to a police officer shining his flashlight in my eyes and asking me my birth date and social security number. My morning went swimmingly.
Some girl just asked us for directions back to campus. we told her to take the first four lefts. We live on a block. she believed us
I mean, he was my book buddy in 1st grade. The kid taught me how to read, the least I could do was give him head.
he needs to stop knowing everyone on campus...it's making cheating on him really difficult.
1 be hot 2 flirt with everyone 3 use hotness to make people do things for you. It's a simple model.
By the end of the night I was using him as a leg rest and he was handing me pizza rolls when I wiggled my hand. It's a proven method.
ATTN: We are officially 15 weeks from our annual "Get-Mega-Stoned-and-BBQ" event. Start saving up the proper supplies. That is all.
So the night ended when we tried making fireworks out of gunpowder and oregano. You can figure out how that went.
Is "when in doubt date the guy with the bigger dick" a good philosophy?
So immediately after we finished having sex she started singing, "The Circle of Life", put her clothes on and then just left. I think I'm in love.
Is biking from my house to 6th street for liquor pitchers a good idea or a bad idea
She said, I've heard about you, from girls you wouldn't even be interested in. What?
I called you a cum goblin in my voicemail. I stand by it.
i know it looks like there's pee in the mayo jar in the fridge but i promise it's just apple juice that wouldn't fit in the jug after i added the booze.
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