I should be sponsored by Trojan
He was taking the caps off the vodka bottles and throwing them out the window so we'd have to finish them. Engineers have the best logic.
If that really is brett favre's penis, no wonder she ignored his calls
Theres been so much buildup for our genitals to meet, one or both of us is sure to be disappointed.
I left for five minutes and Chris wound up half in women's clothes, half naked. And the naked half was covered in shamrock stickers.
I signed the divorce papers. Can I get a blowjob now?
No he can't come. I swear to gods he's "Why We Can't Have Nice Things" given physical form.
We didn't have a place to have sex. So we timed the automatic car wash & spent $9 for 3 minutes and 45 secs of car sex.
Being an adult is fun. You can experience a break up, then go fuck someone else in the woods.
Just so you know sleeping with you is like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
That's the most romantic thing I've ever heard
Your vagina is awesome, like it needs to teach a class for other vaginas
If you wanna do actual business call my office. If you’re just looking to get laid you need to up your game
He’s like an awkward walking penis that has a personality attached
I should have robbed the cradle years ago. Turns out 21 year old boys can cum and still fuck me silly a minute later. My vagina feels like it just won a car from Oprah!
You asked him if he would have sex with you under the dinosaur. He declined and then you started crying, blaming the sand.
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