it hasn't hit me that college is over yet. so far at home, i haven't brushed my teeth, taken off my makeup, or changed clothes before bed.
I thought she was going to get passionate and throw her on the bed and fuck her, but she just started breaking stuff.
That's the thing about women.
Do you think there is vodka in heaven?
you let me eat a milky way from your vagina. G is not lettin you hang out for eternity
Whats the glycemic index on semen?
its official now. im not pissing on secret service cars with a senators inside anymore.
Do you know many girls there are in gay bars waiting for me to do coke off their tits? A lot.
Man the liquor store just wrong numbered me, its a sign even god wants me to drink
Had a farmer come into my class to talk to us today. He apparently met his wife on fb and just thanked jesus for his land. I think I am in the wrong major...
Don't know how I even got in. I pulled my id out and threw it at the bouncer, and he just picked it up, checked it, and let me in.
What can I say, your life is charmed. I'm on the couch trying to decide whether or not to puke again.
Pack light, we're going straight to bar from the train. No place to put our shit.
Dude all I'm bringing is my dick and a phone charger.
It's not really the holidays until I raid the medicine cabinet. Happy hydrocodone to me
And a merry methadone to all
I was picked up from his hotel room at 5 a.m. and came home with my panties and jäger in a McDonald's bag so the desk attendant wouldn't judge me. This is what single at 25 is about.
I've got to stop being so hungover that I puke in the fine establishments of this glorious town.
You know tonight's gonna be a good night when your already planning on sleeping in a trunk
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