My brother brings gifts into my room to wrap them. It's a pizza cutter and a box of condoms..
Last I saw him was around 10 this morning. He was passed out on the porch with his head under the barbeque cover and there were cups of orange juice around him as well as loose tobacco spread everywhere. Good luck getting a hold of him.
besides i was ending his dry spell. it's written in the bible that jesus likes that right?
before we left she put a post-it on the floor next to the toilet saying she was a pretty pretty princess
Found out last night that "Everclear" is Spanish for "shit got weird"...
Bad things happen to those who bang their lab partner at the beginning of the semester.
I used the hope and guess method to figure out who I slept with last night.
Banged my ex-wife last night...so I belong to that club now.
My dad just saw me take dirty one night stand underwear out of my purse. I'm willing to admit I have a problem
I'm debating a nap but also debating breaking into the liquor cabinet
Wow just discovered I can communicate my favorite sex positions using only emojis god bless this age of technology
My favorite bra is missing and I smell like beer and bad decisions. This is definitely a sign that hoe mode is activated.
He said 'I really struggle with the sin of lust' then we proceeded to have sex. So I guess it was a perfectly executed Catholic pick up line?
For someone who claims to be straight, she knows a hell of a lot about bi erasure, and one Hayley Kiyoko song too many
My dog just blew me a kiss. First of all I'm stoned and second of all he's a pitbull. Those aren't sexual dogs. So wtf.
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