Im drinking a beer thats called vuuve which is boobs in begian. I think my life is complete.
I just googled "buy xanax online". What is wrong with my life?
I told her I was horny and she said to forget it because she has vagina drama.
WHAT IN THE HELL IS VAGINA DRAMA?!
I don't remember which guy I met at the bar is coming to pick me up. It will be like my birthday surprise.
you spent 5 minutes trying to open an empty PBR and kept saying "don't worry i'll get it i've been working out"
This is God's way of telling me He loves me and wants me to be a cocktease.
Go forth my daughter and give blue balls to all who may gaze upon your tits.
You dont lie about slip and slides
Never use fire and ice condoms with a dude who always claims he "didn't know it was the wrong hole"
Partying with them is like having your dick stapled to your left nostril
they saw the dick pic he sent and started calling him 'subway'
Did I really just send a work email with cum instead of come? feck me
I'm drunk doing an ab workout. I can only hope I make it to bed tonight.
I'll just bring the big suitcase this trip so I don't have to play wine bottle tetris again.
That’s talent right there. Maverick and Goose type shit.
my near death experience doubled as my sexual awakening
Randomize
