One little Beyonce reference and he turns on me faster than liberals on Jon Mackey
I found a knife in my bed when I got back this morning. I think one of my roommates has it in for me
On an unrelated note: I'm also a big advocate of the "never waste a boner" theory.
I just crawled out of bed at 5AM to make her a peanut butter and Nutella sandwich. Somewhere in the distance, I could hear whips cracking.
You were great dude. You wanted to charge the guy with fedora $100 to get in.
Is it rude if I don't go?
No. It is not rude if you don't go to her cat's Star Wars themed birthday party.
You were drunk it couldn't have been that bad
I've never been drunk enough to enjoy getting a blister on my dick.
The clothing optional portion of the night began around midnight. Then we did disgusting things to each other. It was beautiful.
Idk, but the girl in his story had really nice eyebrows and was singing The Climb. How about you CLIMB the fuck away from my man
FORGET THE EYEBROWS
Also apparently I made a "cake sandwich"--yeah smashed a massive piece of cake between two slices of bread....fucking tequila
So...#1 on my TO DO list for college is to fuck someone somewhere in the stadium during the homecoming game...you down?
Showed up to pick her up in my boxers. Lets just say im 2 for 2 with this new idea
He had a tattoo of the Batman logo around his asshole. I noped right the hell out of there.
My ex's sister asked me to be her date to Thanksgiving. Should I go?
Threesome!
Thank god you don't know my other address I'm safe for now
Awww you know you would like it if I found u
Randomize
