It was awkward until we both realized our obsessions with harry potter and sangrias were the same. Now were in love.
You need tk get a life and stop texting me about fictional characters. I don't give a shit.
News update: stealing a playground is harder than it looks.
There isn't a single transaction on my online bank account that doesn't involve drugs or alcohol since November 12
Babe, the 4 years we've been together have been amazing. Will you marry me?
are you seriously doing this over text message
hahaha no, but i am dumping you.
what has two thumbs and is going to bang you boss on monday?
We turned everything surrounding BP and the oil leak into a "that's what she said" drinking game. We've been drunk for a month
if you count grabbing my crotch as an introduction then yeah i got a couple of those tonight
He refused my I'm sry gift of ANAL. That's how angry he was.
its likemy ribs anf my hesrt aew cuddlingn
You tried to impress her by kicking the 5th floor button in the elevator, but you ended up kicking everything from 3 to 11. Then you said, "pretty accurate, huh ladies?"
When I was leaving this morning he gave me some candy off his floor to prove he was a nice guy... He definitely knows the way to my heart. Best one night stand ever
I'm supposed to be maturing, but no instead I'll be shitting my pants in Delaware for my 30th.
Hahahaha nah you won't shit your pants - but you will fully try mushrooms.
This chick just walked by and pet my beard. Don't know, never talked to her. She just walked by and pet my beard.
Marry her
anyone can pick a bar fight and pick up a waitress at a bar, not everyone hangout with two wolves. TWO WOLVES.
If those panties could talk.
"Once upon a time, Jenny got chlamydia from a magician. The end."
Randomize
