My grandma just told me that she sharted, no I am not having fun in El Paso.
Just found out I reached my $2500 deductible and I have a $5 million dollar cap on my health insurance. Let's get drunk and do something recklessly stupid tonight.
How would one go about tricking someone into chugging an entire bottle of tequila?
I love that your nipples always taste like clean laundry.
Bring me the dick of your room mate Alex and I will reward you in in skittles.
I can't feel my clothes. I'm convinced I'm naked
Yes ma'am.Im also looking at my collection of penis pictures in my email playing "who;s penis is that"?
also new logic of mine : I fuck a Scottish kid , Scotland national animal is a Unicorn airgo I've come close to fucking a unicorns descendent, mother always said dreams come true
gay sex achievement: unlocked
what
you told me you were going out for groceries!!
For the first time in my life, I still have money by the next payday. Who is this responsible person and what have they done with the real me?
Yeah! Just remind me to. I'll also bring the blow up penis
After my shift today I'm going on a bender. Not saying this so you'll stop me, just a heads up to invest in Tylenol, Gatorade, and Jack
I'm too depressed to masturbate. This election is the worst.
She asked what a chaser is. I died a little inside, please come back..
I've been in town for almost 36 hrs and I haven't made out with a stranger yet - I consider THAT a record!
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