yay, now i'm not the only homewrecker.
yeah but i stopped sleeping with him after i found out he was married.
oh my god. my mom just found my pipe. she thought it was a dildo.
like i said, there should be a sitcom about your family.
but i got with him after midnight so its technically 2 days
I didn't think it was possible for the human body to be physically dependant on weed until I moved in with this kid
I'm eating my dinosaur chicken nuggets in the order they would die in the food chain.
I think his parents are learning english from the phrases I shout during sex.
I woke up naked, with the lights on, using my backpack as a pillow and a pillow as a blanket.
you told that cab driver that when the 3 of us come togehter it means happiness and love
He's saved in my phone as 'MURICA. I think it's safe to say I'm not exactly taking him seriously.
My genitals don't want beer. They want to not feel like they wandered into a hornet's nest.
That edible kicked in right as I was upside-down on that rollercoaster. Fucking.mind.blown.
Is it a coincidence that the reminder on my phone to take my birth control is "I'm ready to party" from Bridesmaids?
I can't even be mad at customs in houstons airport anymore for missing my flight and having to stay overnight. Within an hour of meeting we did it at her place. Her last word being "glad I could show you real southern hospitality". I'm definitely coming back here someday
She came out of the bathroom listening to her iPod and crying. Then she started scream 'she will be loved'. She seems to be handling the break up well lol
if jesus wore shoes made out of pure flavor and hurricane kicked u in the face thats how it feels to eat pizza bites right now
Randomize
