I got everything I ever gave her back, every picture, and money for the dog. I didn't want it she brought it all back and gave it to me. clothes jackets, pictures, dried flowers, ear rings, necklace...
Sell it on ebay and let's go to the bar
Dude she has a bf and shes on lockdown more than Nelson Mandela in 95
How was your sisters wedding?
Oh, I didn't go. I slept through my alarm. I finally woke up and was like...I don't think so.
sisterhood ftl.
If I saw her on the street and didn't know about the two of them, I would think the only way she'd ever find love was if she somehow found her way to middle earth and an orc took her in
I think, one-on-one, Paul Rudd could be very threatening in like a REALLY good way.
I'm pretty sure my penis yawned halfway through. That loose.
Ok, it is technically a gay bar but it's a total dive w/ strong drinks. The important thing is you can start drinking at 11:00 am without judgement
oh oh oh, and apparently you can bring in your own snacks. Some old dude just gave me cashews and cheetos.
I just remember going to take a piss and looking down on the floor and thinking "that looks comfortable" and then I was out.
Happy meals everywhere. I think Ronald McDonald Claus visited.
Like I just asked Greg why I don't have a crown for my vagina. That drunk.
I think "we've never met sober" is a great relationship to have with someone
6 more days and it'll be a year since i slept with him and never went home
there's a giant awkward home-wrecking elephant in the room. and its name is meg.
hey, just so we're clear, next time we go swimming drunk at my house, we have to use the floating chairs instead of my mattress. i'm not sure how to get it out of the pool.
The weirdest part of it all was wondering if I was going to take off his fanny pack or he was before we fucked
Randomize
