Def slept AT the bar last night, wow that's a first!
Why do I fail so hard at ironing, when I'm a woman and i should be amazing at it?
because god found you far too good at oral sex and had to make all things even?
I want to make Jon&Kate babies with him. Not in quantity, but in percentage asian.
I just woke up with streamers wrapped around me. Glitter in my hair. My fish are swimming in empty bottles of Barcardi. Helpppp
jungle juice + heels + stairs = broken arm
ENDLESS SCROLLING ON TUMBLR WAS MADE FOR HIGH PEOPLE!
yep. it's official. for $40 they will let you lick the stripper pole.
All I can see in the pic you sent is white shorts...
Thas my pasnts in colleg! Tehy glow! AND SMELL LIKE BEER!
Those two lesbians inspired me. A whole new way to roll. Fuck shots. Gallons of vodka is the new tequila.
ask me again when I'm sobewr aka tuesday
I think I may have accidentally stepped in fire
I think I'd be more bothered by his cross dressing if I wasn't secretly into women..,
You mowed a straight line through three yards because you were, and I fucking quote, "In the zone." I think they know.
I'm running late...how do you explain period shits to your boss?
I’m not dating him for his personality. I’m dating him so I can steal his dog.
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