I can't. He's too cute and my tongue is too long.
I felt like a dog for all the times during sex that he said "good girl"
Attn: you have now used your free, one time admission to pleasure town. Thank you for visiting I hope you enjoyed your trip. All future trips to P.T. Will cost you full admission price. We have different pricing plans to accommodate different situations, and remember it is more of a bartering system than a set price. Your patronage is always welcomed and once again thank you for visiting and have a fantastic evening.
My mom just walked in and she was like "Who ate all of the cheese?" and all I could think of was you trying to become a human taco
Look. If you get me out of this speeding ticket you can bang my sister. Or my mom. But not both.
Wake your ass up this is a day of horror where we get horroibly drunk and sleep with tandom dudes who wish they were super heros ps i havr stuffed animals over my privates im a petting zoo this year
So somehow today's lecture on the immune system turned into me having to stand up and explain female ejaculation to the class.
One day we'll be rich enough to go to rehab. Until then, fuck it.
What's the policy on calling guys who have kids daddy...
She deleted me on Facebook. I think it's safe to say that she knows I fucked him now.
I just thought you should know... Instead of a glass of wine before bed I am having a few shots of 1800. This is what being a night shift nurse will do to you... Standing in your kitchen in your undies doing shots
This woman at the blackjack table is sitting on a pile of newspaper so she can pee at her seat and never miss a hand.
I miss seeing you
i hope for the sake of your safety you were not with your girlfriend while sending texts like that at 3 am
I threw a lamp at you?
Yes, yes you did.
Awesome
Do not let Mike show you his naughty Santa Claus outfit. It's a super long beard and crotchless pants.
Randomize
