Best moment of my life. I just got a text from some random number that said i can't wait to touch you. Her name is kiara and she had the wrong number.
As gay men are we obligated to learn the Single Ladies dance.
I lost of the blow last night. Found it later in my bag labeled Fairy Dust.
The album was titled "Best Night Ever" until she found out she was preggers and switched it to "God Punishes Sluts"
I wish my period boobs were my regular boobs.
They ran out of vodka so we started doing Body Doritos.
im just sayin im driving an hr to pick her up, just cause shes your gf doesnt mean i shouldnt be entitled to a bj
I believe nudity is frowned upon at that establishment
Wow. I feel like a bad friend. My fuckbuddy wished you a happy birthday before I did. The reality of that just hit me.
Both of our knuckles were split open this morning when I came out of the blackout, the column on the porch has two new cracks in it, were like the redneck Super Smash Bros.
I had so much stripper lotion and body glitter on my glasses I had a hard time driving home.
I'd be 10x more excited if going out didn't require pants or the general giving of fucks
Literally every boy I've dated is now in a somewhat successful band. My vagina has obviously been blessed by the rock gods.
"What's your dick like homie" is not really an acceptable thing to say out loud
Don't know where this pizza came from but i got breakfast in bed
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