Sometimes I wonder if my friend studies mystic Christian theology because he's afraid to come out of the closet. Evidently, it's okay to talk about God coming inside you, but not to say the same about dudes.
She has a t-rex face on a stuart little body.
his facial hair looked like he just ate out someone's ass
running late. just ran over a dude on a bike
i think i can safely say that is the weirdest thing you've ever propositioned me with. so obviously my answer is yes.
mallory made a planned parenthood decision maker flow chart again.
I really just want to stuff him in my purse, take him home, feed him pudding or applesauce and brush his hair. That's not creepy, right?
Of course it was necessary for me to call the strip club and ask what their shower policy is. Smelled like she was wiping her ass with my eyebrows during that dollar dance.
Found out people don't like it when you get drunk at fundraising auctions and bid in foreign currencies.
He let him chew on his fu man chew. The man has the patience of a saint
Moral of the story: don't have drunken shower sex with the lights off...or you WILL break your foot. And the shower knobs.
Bro my mom is in for two days and you can't even hold back on the drinking she said as she left i hope he doesn't always pee his pants and he is sure popular with the girls wtf
Blocking me on Facebook doesn't change the fact that you've had my penis in my mouth. So there's that.
It's my birthday, if I want to stay home, get stoned and watch the gameshow network, that's what I'm going to do.
So I tried to catch a rabbit in Terraria & accidentally blew it up with a grenade made of bees. Monty Python would be proud.
Randomize
